Dancin' Shoes, or, How A Total Stranger Made Me Cry Over My Wedding For The First Time

So... remember why I'm wearing cowboy boots under my wedding dress? These cowboy boots, in fact?

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Yeah. My lovely, gorgeous boots. They go with NOTHING else about my wedding day, but as I approach the one-year anniversary of the day I lost my little girl, I am even more determined to wear them.

Except there's a problem. Since it's getting closer to the wedding, I decided that I would start wearing them to break them in. So, last Wednesday evening, I did. They rubbed a little bit on the inside of my ankles, but nothing major, I thought. Until I got home and got in the shower.

Then the burning started-- the horrible, awful burning! It felt like someone was holding a torch to the insides of my ankles as the water streamed down them, and I hadn't even touched the soap yet. I distinctly remember some very un-lady-like obscenities coming out in surprise. Luckily, the only one around to hear was my cat.

Today, a week later, I still have bright red scabs on both ankles, and I only had the boots on for about an hour. Clearly, these boots aren't going to work for the whole wedding night. I refuse to not wear them for the ceremony, but I'll need something else for the reception, when I most certainly will be dancing it up and moving around a lot.

What's a girl to do then? Why, buy a second pair of shoes, of course!

I have to admit-- I am in love with shoes like these:


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But I can never wear these teetering, towering heels thanks to a weak right knee. And my wedding day is definitely NOT the day I want to re-injure it. So, I have to play it safe with wider heels (which is reason #2,694 that my boots were perfect. Sigh).

I went shopping Monday night with my hand clenched around my wallet (because money is starting to get really tight as we get closer to the wedding, and my spending has been a little out of control lately). Ultimately, I wanted a cheap, comfortable pair of cute shoes with a wide heel (heel required so my dress is the right length, since we measured it with my cowboy boots). Preferably in white. I headed to the usual contenders: Payless Shoe Source, Famous Footwear, even Target and Wal-Mart. No luck.

In between all of these stores in the mall is a dance wear store. The thought passed through my mind that since I'm looking for shoes I can dance in, why not try dancing shoes? I ventured into the dance store after my first failed foray into Payless (ha! How's that for an alliteration?), only to discover that they had a pair of practice ballroom shoes (read: wide heels and comfy) on sale for $23.99. Except they were black, they ONLY came in black, and they were really kind of ugly.

There was a pair of white shoes on the wall, but they were $62.00, which was a little too steep for my budget.

So I kept looking, weaving in and out of every shoe store in the mall, wringing my metaphorical hands. I dipped back into the dance store to stare at the nice expensive leather shoes and the poor, ugly practice shoes no less than twice, asking each time if the white ones were going to be on sale, or if the black ones really didn't come in any other color, before going to sit outside and call S. in meltdown mode. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: I like the white ones, but they're not on sale, and I don't want to wear black shoes on my wedding day!

Him (thinking: why are you calling me?): I don't really know what to say, honey. Might be worth it just to get the white ones.

Me (after hemming and hawing for another five minutes): Okay, then. See you soon.

I went back into the dance store (again), where the sales girl probably thought I was nuts. I stared at the wall for another minute, then finally turned and asked if the white ones came in an 8.5. Luckily, they did, or I might have blown a gasket.

I tried them on, asked some questions about the fit and explained what I needed them for, eyed the super-flashy Latin ballroom shoes out of the corner of my eye for a minute, then said, "I'll take them."

I decided to wear them out, since I wanted to see how comfortable they really were and I still had to walk all the way back across the mall. The girl started to write up my purchase and said, "Okay, I'll give them to you for the sale price [of the black shoes], since it's for your wedding."

!!!!

I about had a heart attack of joy right then and there! I was floating for that whole walk back across the mall, and let me tell you-- these are the most comfortable heels I have EVER worn! I can walk completely normally in them, which means dancing should be a breeze, too. I was so happy, in fact, that I teared up as I called S. to tell him that the problem had solved itself.

And that's how a stranger made my cry about my wedding, but they were tears of joy.

Want to see my perfect new shoes? They are just plain white leather, and I'm thinking that depending on my project load as the wedding gets closer, I may want to fancy them up a little. But here they are!

(In case you're wondering what the heck I'm standing on, I actually have my feet up on the wall-- my previous attempts against the dark carpet made my feet indistinguishable from the shoes. Thanks, skin. Thanks).




(All un-sourced photos are personal pictures)

Have you had any good luck and kindness from strangers because of your wedding?

Why I'm wearing cowboy boots to my Victorian Garden Tea Party wedding

Note: I'd planned on doing Vending Machine again this Monday, and for as many Mondays as possible, but I'd like to wait to run those posts til I have more info from my vendors.


This is Gypsy.

She was my first horse. I had her for seven amazing years-- she was my best friend, closest companion, confidante, and mentor. I called her my "baby", like I do all my pets, but she felt more like a mother.

This next part (if you haven't already tuned out) may go over your head. Gypsy taught me a lot about horses. She taught me how to ride, how to act, how to overcome my fears. She was the perfect horse-- calm, eager to please and learn, well-behaved but spunky, and an affectionate, loving sweetheart.

Three years ago, I also bought her then-five-year-old filly, Tally, from the same man who'd sold me Gypsy. Tally needed help-- a lot of help-- and the lessons that I'd learned from Gypsy helped me help Tally. But, even three years later, Tally is still "special"-- she's spooky, and while an absolute sweetheart like her mother, I have to keep a very rigid routine with her to keep her calm. She is like her mother, but she is not her mother.

What does any of this have to do with my wedding? Well, for as long as I had Gypsy, I always told myself that someday, some glorious day, when the man of my dreams asked me to marry him and I was ready to take that walk, I would do it with my little girl. I had fantasies of riding in in my big white dress-- sidesaddle, of course-- and having her there with me on that day.

You may notice I use the past tense when I talk about Gypsy. Last August, after a mild respiratory infection, she foundered. I won't go into the details here, but basically, founder is a crippling disease that often results in horses having to be euthanized-- and the first vet I consulted immediately told me it was too late. Luckily, I found another amazing vet and a new farrier who worked together to bring her back from the brink of death. I was safe, I thought. I knew Gypsy wouldn't live to be 30 like a lot of horses do nowadays, but I wasn't ready to lose her at 21, either.

Then the respiratory infection came back, and the new vet diagnosed it as COPD. Within a day of that diagnosis, she stopped eating. She stopped drinking. She wouldn't take her medications. I did everything I could, but it was too late-- she went into shock and colicked.

I lost my little girl that day. My sweet, amazing, precious girl. Words can't describe how amazing Gypsy was, or how much she meant to me.


So, since Tally isn't an option due to her unpredictability-- even though I love her just as much as I loved her mother-- I decided I wanted something symbolic of that lost opportunity with me on my wedding day. My dress will cover them, but they'll give me a low heel to add a tiny bit of height, and I can walk in them completely free of the duck-walk most heels give me. Most importantly, I'll have a reminder of my "puddin'" with me all day. A day that she never got to see.

Yesterday, my mom and I went shopping and I found the boots I will wear on my wedding day. Sure, they don't go with my theme. But they go with my heart, and my heart wants to remember those important to me who won't see this day.



I have some other plans for small memorial items in my wedding. Stay tuned for those, too. What, if anything, are you doing to remember those you've lost?